"I Will Go"

For as long as I can remember, I have felt a pull to Congo.  I can recall as a girl having missionaries, both at church and at camp, share their pictures, stories and calling to Congo.  My heart was both captured and broken.  Throughout my life, I can trace similar threads.  All I can say is that I have had a consistent and long-standing passion for Africa - put there, I believe, by God.  My passion was rekindled and putting my faith into action was challenged as I read The Hole in Our Gospel and got involved in Covenant Kids Congo.  I pondered things I could do from the safety of my home, never imagining I would actually go to Congo.  And then.........

Through some providential circumstances, our church was given the opportunity to participate in a vision trip to Congo.  I didn't hesitate to go to the informational meetings - but I did hesitate about actually going to Congo.  The more I read, the more I sought input from others, the more hesitant I became.  Congo is a scary place.  Just read the warnings from the State Department:  instability, violence and crime, lack of infrastructure and security, corruption, unsafe transportation and living conditions and many dangerous health threats.  Logically, it seemed wise and safe to respond from afar.  But God doesn't just call us to be logical and safe.  God calls us to be obedient.  My heart and even call to Congo just couldn't be ignored.  I tried.  Although I turned in the paperwork, I still felt (and possibly hoped) that God would clearly answer my prayers for discernment by telling me I could still passionately care about Congo without going there.  Even as the rest of the team firmly committed, I hesitated.  I was offered more time to discern.  I took it, thinking I had more than a week.  Then, in the midst of a family trip to Disney World, I realized from an email with a gentle nudge, that I was off by a week.  I needed to commit.....or not.  That gentle nudge was just what I needed as my indecision had really been weighing on me.  After talking with family, I was alone with God late into the night.  I prayed.  I called out for clarity and peace.  I read my Bible.  I read my devotion for the day.  "I am leading you, step by step, through your life.  Hold my hand in trusting dependence, letting me guide you...I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that and the one after that.  Relax and enjoy the journey in my Presence (my word for the year).  Trust me to open up the way before you as you GO".  It was followed by the verse from Psalm 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should GO; I will counsel you and watch over you".

As I prayed out loud (as I often do), I heard myself audibly say "I will go".  My eyes welled with tears as I realized I was hearing God's voice and call.  Yes, I am still scared but I am also excited.  I will go, trusting God as I do.